I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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