how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
