At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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