I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
