im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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