Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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