I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
