The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
