I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
