Umm I'm too high to move.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
