I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
