It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
