ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
