i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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