My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
