Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
