You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
