She's JV to your varsity
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
