please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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