I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
