I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
