Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
