i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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