areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
