You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
