respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
