i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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