i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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