we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
