I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
