Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
