I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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