I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
