Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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