Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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