Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
