If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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