Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
