this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
