so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
