Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
