i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
