how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
