I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
