My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
