i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
