Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
