I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
