he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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