i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
