She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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