the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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