Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
