I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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